2 - Hatcheye is not allowed to shout "ON THE MOON!" after Princess Celestia addresses anypony.
3 - Hatcheye is not to spread rumours which imply that Princess Luna has mastered the Unrelenting Force shout and/or is the Dovahkiin.
4 - Shouting "SCIENCE!" at opportune and inopportune times is not appropriate.
5 - Hatcheye does not possess an 'Orbital Friendship Beam Cannon'.
6 - Hatcheye may not trick people into believing that Queen Chrysalis has returned and taken on the appearance of one of their acquaintances.
7 - Hatcheye is not allowed to spread disturbing local legends among the fillies of Equestria.
7.1 - Especially if they are somehow related to the mysterious Everfree Forest.
7.2 - On that matter, Slenderman, Zalgo, The Rake, and other similar, memetic entities are not to be mentioned by Hatcheye.
8 - "Don't get angry, get even." is not a valid life lesson.
8.1 - Nor may it be used as a motivation to rig someone's house with elaborate traps to 'get even'.
9 - There are no vengeful Dark Gods living in a dimension without light, that will return order to the universe when summoned through adequate sacrifices in their name.
9.1 - Hatcheye cannot build a shrine to appease these Gods.
9.2 - Sacrifices to the Dark Gods are not okay, even if the sacrifice is a rapeclopper.
9.3 - Not even on a blue moon.
9.4 - Or 'when the planets align'.
10 - Hatcheye is not allowed to mention the condition of anorexia around Fleur-de-Lis.
11 - Hatcheye is not allowed to speak in posh English when addressing McTalk in order to confuse him and sarcastically insult him without him knowing it.
12 - Hatcheye cannot ask Princess Luna whether or not the moon is really made of cheese.
13 - Hatcheye may not, under any circumstances, urinate on Discord's statue in the Royal Gardens.
14 - A restraining order halts Hatcheye from spying on Big Macintosh in order to investigate if there was a core of truth in 'Sweet Apple Massacre'.
14.1 - Hatcheye is not to use a telescope to bypass the restraining order.
15 - Hatcheye is not allowed to even pronounce the words 'Happy Ending' when within hearing distance of Lotus and/or Aloe.
16 - Hatcheye is not to enforce drinking game rules, such as 'Drink whenever Luna refers to herself in plural.' or 'Drink whenever Trixie refers to herself in the third person.'
16.1 - No, 'Drink whenever Pinkie Pie breaks the fourth wall.' may not be used as a drinking game rule either.
16.2 - For God's sake, no drinking game rules! At all! Someone could get into a coma!
17 - Hatcheye is not allowed to use Pinkie Pie's abilities to break the fourth wall to attempt to pierce the wall between Equestria and another dimension, including but not limited to: Earth, Candyland, Nirn, Heaven, Hell, Tartarus, Explosionland or any dimensions connected to an SCP.
18 - Hatcheye is not to attempt to enter Tartarus and look for Thanatos, the ancient Greek embodiment of Death, to make a sinister deal.
19 - Hatcheye is not to decorate his house with operator symbols and notes referring to the 'related entity.
19.1 - Scattering
20 - Hatcheye is not allowed to apply advanced Earth logic to Equestria. The last time he did, he ended up in an existential crisis.
21 - 'Cut off their limbs.' Is not to be given to anypony as advice, whichever their problem may be.
22 - Hatcheye may not shout 'Witchcraft!' whenever a unicorn or alicorn utilizes magic.
23 - "IT'S SO FLUFFY." Is not an adequate reaction to holding a young pony of any age.
24 - Hatcheye is not allowed to shout 'SHINIGAMI CHOP' before hitting someone or somepony in the face.
25 - "Release Control Art Restriction System to level zero." is not a valid death threat.
26 - Hatcheye is not allowed to use string to bind two unicorns together by their horns.
26.1 - Nor is He allowed to somehow get a unicorn stuck with its horn in a tree. Don't ask how he managed that.
27 - Hatcheye may not Scout "Right in the testicles!" after performing a Moose Punch on someone.
27.1 - Nor may he taunt his victims by saying. "At least you have a thrilling story to tell your future childr- Oh, wait."
28 - Hatcheye is not to trick Derpy into believing that wearing an ice cream cone on her head will make her an alicorn per definition.
29 - Hatcheye is not to shout 'Muffins for the Muffin God!' While feeding Derpy.
30 - Hatcheye cannot pretend to be a crazed homicidal priest from what he calls 'Vatican Section XIII: Iscariot.'
30.1 - Especially when he starts calling himself Alexander Anderson and speaks in a Scottish accent.
30.2 - When this does happen, he may NOT address anyone or anypony as 'a protestant fuckbucket'.
31 - Hatcheye is not in any way authorized to declare the start of the Ninth and/or Tenth Crusade.
32 - Hatcheye is not "a fuckmothering vampire".
32.1 - Nor does he eat people.
33 - Even though Equestria is a land that is rich with fantasy, there are no such things as 'Mordor', 'Sauron' or 'One ring to rule them all'.
33.1 - Additionally, Hatcheye cannot shout "You shall not pass!", whatever the situation.
33.2 - Yes, even in front of a class of school-going fillies.
33.3 - Furthermore, Hatcheye cannot use "For Gondor!" as a valid justification.
33.4 - As a preventive measure, Hatcheye cannot quote the words "My precious!"
34 - Hatcheye is not allowed to trick anypony into believing that they are a projection of someone else's imagination and are trapped in a world that does not truly exist.
35 - Yes, dragons do exist in Equestria. No, there is no such thing as 'Alduin, the world-eater'.
36 - Irish Spring soap is NOT a special soap that has been known to wash cutie marks off of ponies' flanks. Hatcheye may not further spread this ridiculous rumour.
36.1 - Bleach does not have this effect either.
37 - Hatcheye is not in the possession of what he calls a 'Death Note', and cannot use this as a threat.
37.1 - No, he is also not "being haunted by a Shinigami, the former owner of the Death Note." Even if he claims that he is the only one that can see it.
38 - Hatcheye is NOT a unicorn and does NOT have a 'magical horn'.
38.1 - He is also not allowed to claim that he was simply born with his horn in the wrong place.
39 - "Jawohl, Herr Führer!" is not an adequate response to a request made by Princes Celestia or her sister.
39.1 - No, not even in response to Discord or Queen Chrysalis.
40 - Hatcheye cannot curse in French, Dutch, or German when he is losing an argument.
41 - Hatcheye is not allowed to frequently spin a spinning top for the excuse of checking whether or not he is still in a dream.
42 - The meaning of life, the universe, and everything is NOT 42.
42.1 Nor is it 69.
43 - "Explosions" aren't a real backup plan.
43.1 - Hatcheye's 'backup plans' may not involve any SCP's.
44 - Hatcheye cannot scatter pornographic pony art claiming that it is rapeclopper bait.
45 - Hatcheye does not have a torture room, 'secksytime' room, or demonic altar room in his basement. However, because we cannot be sure, his basement has been sealed.
46 - Hatcheye does not have a black hole in the underpants section of his wardrobe, and may not use this as an excuse to not wear any underpants.
47 - Hatcheye is not 'Dr. Rockso, the Rock 'n Roll Clown'.
47.1 - Nor does he do cocaine, even though that would explain a lot.
48 - Hatcheye is not allowed to make a replica of Rainbow Dash's cutie mark in the blue glazing of Pinkie Pie's cupcakes to disturb others.
49 - Hatcheye cannot speak with a German accent and refer to others with Herr/Frau for prolonged periods.
50 - For the sake of his own sanity, Hatcheye cannot engage in conversation with Discord, should he ever escape.
51 - 'Helena's Nail' is not a valid SCP, and cannot be used to turn someone into a 'holy monster with thorn-tentacles'.
51.1 - Nor will it give you 'a damage-up and a spirit heart'.
52 - 'The blood of a virgin.' Is not a required ingredient for anything.
52.1 Not even for a 'vampire cocktail'.
53 - Hatcheye is not to be granted his request for a '70 inch plasma TV with Netflix, but without 3D'.
54 - The play-on-words "I'll be Bach." is not to be spoken in the vicinity of Octavia.
55 - Hatcheye cannot carry around shades and a recording of the intro theme to CSI: Miami
56 - Hatcheye may not play a recording of a laugh track
57 - There is NOT a troll under ANY of the bridges in Ponyville.
57.1 - Not even an internet troll.
57.2 - Or Princess Celestia in a 'Trollestia mood'.
58 - A moose is not a deity, and Hatcheye is not allowed to claim that it is.
58.1 - The moose are also not a species of superior aliens that took part in the development of life as we know it, and then chose to become a part of their creation by becoming animals themselves. Hatcheye cannot spread this nonsense, nor claim that it is a religious belief.
58.2 Additionally, 'meese' is not the plural of moose.
59 - Feeding parasprites after midnight will NOT turn them into gremlins. Stop claiming that it does.
60 - Hatcheye is not allowed to mention 'Tom, the magical boulder.' to Rarity, for the sake of her sanity.
61 - Hatcheye is strictly forbidden from trying to explain what a dissection is to Fluttershy.
62 - Hatcheye cannot refer to anyone or anypony as 'friends with benefits' for the sake of comedic relief.
63 - Hatcheye cannot mention KFC in the vicinity of Scootaloo.
63.1 - Or Fluttershy.
63.2 - Nor can he mention the concept of chicken wings to Scootaloo.
63.4 - Or Fluttershy.
64 - Hatcheye cannot tell Apple Bloom about 'Sunny Town in the Everfree Forest, where everybody is happy'.
65 - Hatcheye is no longer permitted near the filly playground until further notice.
66 - Hatcheye is prohibited from speaking more than one CSI-style catchphrase per day.
66.1 - Two catchphrases if he doesn't put on shades.
67 - There is no such thing as the 'Pony Illuminati', nor is Princess Celestia one of them.
67.1 - Nor is she a puppet leader placed in charge of Equestria by the 'Pony Illuminati'.
68 - Hatcheye is not allowed to mention to anyone or anypony the exact amount of paradoxes he has caused in the past, present or future.
69 - Princess Luna and Sailor Moon are not related to each other in any way. Hatcheye cannot ask the Princess about this.
70 - Hatcheye cannot ask Princess Luna if she wants more cheetos as a reference to an online picture they found, which depicts a grossly obese version of her.
71 - Twilight Sparkle is not capable of 'going Super Saiyan' whatsoever. Stop asking her to.
72 - Hatcheye is not allowed to ask Twilight Sparkle to turn anyone or anypony into a potted plant. It was an accident, for God's sake.
73 - Hatcheye is not allowed to intentionally quote 'Pulp Fiction'.
74 - Hatcheye cannot swear 'by Celestia's blazing ass-mark'.
75 - Hatcheye is prohibited from playing 'rabbit baseball' with Angel.
76 - Hatcheye cannot discuss the possibility of invisible cutie marks with any of the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
77 - After the incident with the quadruple rainbow, Hatcheye is no longer allowed in the weather factory.
77.1 - Claiming that 'Rainbow Factory was right.' won't get you back in there.
77.2 - After the incident with the ludicrously thick fog to make people think they were in the Fog World of Silent Hill, Hatcheye is not allowed anywhere near the weather factory.
78 - Hatcheye's [REDACTED] is not the Lance of Longinus.
78.1 - Nor is it a memetic hazard.
78.2 - Or a Euclid-class SCP.
78.3 - Or 'the bells of Notre Dame'.
79 - Sledgehammers cannot solve every problem in the world.
79.1 Not even edible sledgehammers.
80 - Hatcheye may not speak in a Jamaican accent near Zecora.
81 - Hatcheye cannot hand out 'free moose punch' gift coupons to anyone.
82 - Hatcheye is not the main founder of 'extreme science'.
83 - 'Because yes.' is not considered a valid justification or explanation.
83.1 - Nor is 'Because ponies.'
84 - Hatcheye cannot mess with any celestial bodies.
84.1 - "Yo momma" is NOT a celestial body.
85 - Discord is not 'the Daedric Prince of Madness'.
85.1 - Nor is he related to him in any way.
85.2 - Nor does he possess an item called 'the Wabbajack'.
86 - Hatcheye cannot put his finger into any of the holes in Queen Chrysalis's legs, claiming that he is 'fingering' her.
86.1 - Additionally, just because Queen Chrysalis has holes in her does not mean that she would theoretically taste like Swiss Cheese.
87 - Hatcheye is strictly forbidden from asking any unicorn or alicorn to use their magic as the means to turn somepony into a human form, in order to 'compensate for the lack of women in Equestria'.
87.1 - Especially anypony of the Royal Family.
87.2 - Not even on his birthday.
87.3 - Especially if he says he needs something to motorboat.
88 - Hatcheye is no longer allowed to hire anyone to narrate his daily life.
88.1 - Especially not Morgan Freeman.
89 - Hatcheye is NOT Batman.
90 - 'Bend over.' is not an adequate reply to anything.
91 - Hatcheye cannot use the word 'birch' as a milder substitute for the word 'bitch'.
91.1 Not even around Fluttershy. She is not a tree.
92 - Hatcheye does not become The Hulk when he is angry.
93 - Hatcheye cannot say 'clever girls' anytime a new rule is added to this list.
94 - Hacheye does not have a PhD and is not authorized to perform any kind of surgery.
95 - Hatcheye is not allowed to tell children that Princess Luna has candy to give them in her van. She doesn't even know what a van is.
96 - Rainbows do NOT have a flavour.
96.1 - On the matter of rainbows, Rainbow Dash does not taste like cupcakes.
97 - Hatcheye is strictly prohibited from putting Scootaloo into an oven, even if it was switched off and he was just playing a joke.
98 - Hatcheye is not allowed to make up nonsensical stories of 'how Equestria was made'.
99 - A cutie mark is not just a free invitation for 'Molestia' to stare at somepony's flank.
100 - 'But, will it blend?' is not a acceptable reply to any statement.
101 - Hatcheye is forbidden from using Twilight's magic to explore time travel. God knows we could do without the paradoxes he would cause.
101.1 - Especially if it involves travelling to the future to stop the next significant villain from appearing.
102 - 'Over nine thousand!' is not an adequate answer to any question with relation to an amount.
103 - Hatcheye is not allowed to refer to Princess Celestia as 'Molestia' or 'Trollestia'.
104 - 'Mentlegen' is not a proper way to address a group of people.
105 - Hatcheye is not allowed to share his theories about what fetishes somepony might have.
105.1 - Especially anypony from the Royal Family.
106 - Princess Cadence is not an impostor, nor a spy.
107 - Hatcheye is not to encourage Trixie to refer to herself as 'The Great and Powerful Trixie'.
108 - Hatcheye is not allowed to make a remark about the amount of 'fucks' that he 'gives' about something.
109 - Ponies are not a memetic hazard.
109.1 - Nor do they induce a deprivation of sleep.
110 - Hatcheye is not to spread rumors that Princess Luna suffers from Multiple Personality Disorder, and that Nightmare Moon is just her other personality.
111 - Hatcheye cannot discuss the events that would take place if Princess Celestia were to send the moon to the moon, for whatever reason.
112 - There is no such thing as 'Slendermane'.
113 - Hatcheye cannot refer to Princess Luna as 'Woona'.
113.1 - Unless she wants him to, I guess.
114 - Hatcheye is not capable of 'throwing science' at anyone or anypony.
115 - Hatcheye may not declare pillow fight wars in the bedrooms of the Royal Family.
115.1 - Especially when they have visitors over, such as Fleur-de-Lis.
115.2 - Not even during Princess Luna's video-gaming sleepover parties.
116 - Hatcheye cannot alter the dictionary to make 'victoryful' a word.
117 - 'Ponies with socks' are not memetic.
117.1 - Furthermore, Hatcheye cannot make anypony wear socks for the sake of his personal amusement, or as he calls it, 'the D'aww Factor'.
118 - Hatcheye cannot claim that Luna's cutie mark changed depending on the current moon phase.
119 - Hatcheye cannot try to comprehend or investigate the composition or machinations of Princess Luna's and/or Princess Celestia's mane.
120 - Hatcheye does not have anywhere near the required authorization to declare war on anywhere.
121 - Smarty Pants is not a memetic hazard.
122 - Hatcheye cannot mess with the Canterlot high society in any way.
122.1 - Especially if it involves their fashion sense.
123 - Hatcheye is forbidden from acting overly sexual around Nurse Redheart.
124 - The 'Seventh Element of Harmony' is not sexuality.
124.1 - Nor is it science.
124.2 - Nor is it a moose.
125 - Hatcheye cannot imply that Princess Celestia sends things and/or beings to the moon on a regular basis.
126 - 'Ponies' is not an actual colour, emotion, state of mind or smell.
127 - Hatcheye cannot paint anypony 'like one of his French girls'.
128 - Sitting in a rotating chair and sinisterly placing his fignertips against each other does not make Hatcheye an evil mastermind.
129 - Hatcheye is not authorized to arrange national holidays.
130 - Hatcheye cannot say 'I have seen it, and it blinded me.' around fillies/colts to scare them.
131 - Hatcheye may not break into the Equestrian radio broadcast and play his own selection of music.
131.1 - Especially if this selection includes the works of Sim Gretina.
132 - Hatcheye cannot call Spike a 'Dovah'.
133 - There is no such thing as Pony Herpes.
133.1 - Hatcheye cannot tell Shining Armour that Princess Cadance might have this nonexistant condition.
134 - Hatcheye cannot quote Team Rocket from Pokemon whenever he makes an entrance.
134.1 - Especially if it involves a hot air balloon.
135 - Hatcheye may not provide Fluttershy with a megaphone.
136 - Hatcheye may not use a foghorn to silence a crowd, in order to make them listen to him.
137 - Even though she is old enough to be, Princess Celestia is not the Egyptian, Mayan or Incan sun God.
138 - Spike does not need 'more berries' to 'evolve'.
139 - The forbidden part of Canterlot Castle is not a sex slave dungeon.
139.1- Nor is it a tax dungeon.
140 - Attaching padlocks to the holes in Queen Chrysalis's legs was amusing no more than once.
141 - Hatcheye cannot even say the word 'horny' when in the vicinity of unicorns and/or alicorns.
142 - Hatcheye cannot pin a sandwich onto the horns of Princess Celestia or Princess Luna, positioned just out of their field of vision.
143 - Princess Celestia does not have and has never had sexual slaves.
144 - Hatcheye cannot attempt to 'verify' Prince Blueblood's name.
145 - Hatcheye cannot somehow orchestrate an event in which Octavia and Vinyl Scratch play music at the same time, simply to break their concentration and become annoyed with their radically different styles of music.
146 - Colgate's mane does not consist of dental floss.
146.1 - Additionally, her name is Minuette, not Colgate.
147 - Spike is not an inter-dimensional telegraph machine.
147.1 - Nor can he be used to transport living beings.
148 - Explosions are not an adequate punishment for bringing any of the Mane6 to tears.
148.1 - Nor is a night in bed with Princess Celestia.
149 - Hatcheye cannot attempt to trick Zecora into halting her from speaking in perfectly paired rhymes to find out if it would cause a paradox.
150 - Hatcheye cannot leave nonsensical, complicated or impossible math equations on the chalkboard of Cheerilee's school.
151 - Hatcheye may not consider the Seven Deadly Sins as a checklist.
152 - Hatcheye may not make jokes about 'raising something' around the Royal Family.
153 - Hatcheye is not allowed to claim that he is saluting with his third arm.
154 - Hatcheye may not tell anypony to "Tell your wife I love her" before setting out on assignment.
155 - 'Sexplosion' is not a real word.
155.1 - Hatcheye cannot ask Sweetie Belle for a second opinion on whether or not a word exists.
156 - Derpy's eyes are not the result of superior evolution that allows her to look in two separate directions.
157 - Even though he has shown to have no sexual attraction to ponies, Hatcheye cannot 'tap' anypony's rear end or flank, claiming that it is a reflex which has resurfaced due to the lack of human females.
157.1 - Especially not anypony of the Royal Family.
158 - "There is no such thing as an inflammable object." is not a good attitude in life.
159 - Angel the bunny is NOT possessed by a demon and/or Satan, and Hatcheye cannot attempt to perform an exorcism on him.
160 - Hatcheye is not allowed to claim that he automatically wins a match of strip poker because he is technically the only one that is wearing clothes.
160.1 - Furthermore, Hatcheye cannot organize rounds of strip poker, even if he dresses the ponies up in socks beforehand.
161 - "What is thy bidding, my master?" is not a proper way to greet Princess Celestia.
162 - Hatcheye may no longer request songs for Octavia to play.
163 - After donning a doctor's outfit and giving several patients a random diagnosis, Hatcheye is no longer permitted in the Ponyville hospital without supervision.
163.1 - 'Butthurt' is not a real diagnosis.
163.2 - Neither is 'explosive diarrhea'.
164 - Princess Celestia is NOT in possession of nuclear warheads.
165 - Hatcheye does not have sufficient medical knowledge to determine that "It's not a tumor!".
166 - Hatcheye cannot attempt to recreate or simulate any events, places and/or creatures from the video game 'The Binding of Isaac'.
167 - Hatcheye cannot justify anything with the phrase "Bitches love [Noun]!"
168 - Nurse Redheart does NOT provide 'sexual healing'.
169 - Hatcheye may not book a stripper act for the Grand Galloping Gala.
170 - After a particularly embarrassing scene for both the guests and the princess herself, Hatcheye is no longer allowed to announce Princess Celestia's entrance at the Grand Galloping Gala.
171 - Hatcheye cannot hack into and/or alter this list in any way, by any means.
172 - Hatcheye cannot sing 'You are my sunshine' to princess Celestia.
173 - A 'fuckton' is not a real measurement of an amount.
173.1 - A 'fuckton' is especially not a measurement for an amount of exactly 9001.
174 - Hatcheye is not an 'interior crocodile alligator'.
174.1 - Nor does he drive a 'Chevrolet movie theatre'.
175 - Hatcheye cannot attempt to grab a random unicorn from the street and proceed to use their horn to pick a lock.
175.1 - Nor can he use them as a spear.
176 - Hatcheye cannot attempt to create a perpetuum mobile of any kind, especially if it involves any living beings.
177 - Hatcheye cannot inquire about how reproduction works for ponies.
178 - Hatcheye is not allowed to end every sentence he speak with "-Willis".
179 - Hatcheye is forbidden from prank calling anypony to re-enact the famous phone call scene from the movie 'Taken'.
180 - Hatcheye is NOT a gynecologist, and he cannot command women to "open wide".
181 - Hatcheye may not give relationship advice.
182 - Hatcheye may not suggest 'potential adventures' to the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
183 - Hatcheye cannot spike the apples form Sweet Apple Acres through the use of a hypodermic needle.
184 - Singing any song that contains even a vague reference to sex is forbidden.
185 - Hatcheye must refrain from asking anypony the question "Who is your daddy, and what does he do?"
186 - Hatcheye cannot mess with the Psych Ward of the Ponyville hospital.
187 - There is no such thing as a 'sexclamation point'.
188 - Hatcheye may not scream "SOUPCAN" upon hearing the words 'soup' or 'can'.
189 - There is no such thing as 'Gay Wednesday'.
190 - Hatcheye does not have a theme song.
191 - Hatcheye does not have 'something to put in you'.
192 - Philosophical zombies do not exist, nor do they crave minds.
193 - Hatcheye cannot take drastic measures to exterminate spiders.
193.1 - Not even if he claims to have arachnophobia.
194 - Playing 'The Binding of Isaac: Wrath of the Lamb' does not help his state of mind regarding spiders.
194 - Hatcheye cannot use the phrase "The [Noun] has been doubled!"
195 - Hatcheye does not have an arch nemesis.
195.1 - Not even 'inanimate objects'.
196 - 'Power to the people' does not mean that they should be given explosive devices.
197 - Hatcheye cannot attempt to perform every act forbidden by this document within 24 hours time because he "took it as a personal challenge".
198 - Hatcheye cannot attempt to bribe and/or persuade anypony of the Royal Family to decommission this list and/or banish the member of the Royal Entourage in charge of managing the list to the moon.
199 - Hatcheye cannot bribe the member of the Royal Entourage that is in charge of managing this list.
199.1 - Hatcheye cannot threaten the member of the Royal Entourage that is in charge of managing this list.
200 - Hatcheye cannot take the member of the Royal Entourage that is in charge of managing this list on 'an enthusiastic walk through the Everfree Forest' in order to 'show him a little secret'.
200.1 - Hatcheye cannot introduce a class A amnesiac into that member's IV bag at the Ponyville hospital.
- Too late, Willis.